Retrievers, Lane Kiffin, and a Nun

As I write this, I sit in the conclusion of Michigan vs Houston on a last second three point shot for the win. My Men's College Basketball bracket is helped by this win but I was kinda rooting for Houston at the end; they have a guy who shoots lights out and has a man-bun. I found him very cool. But like I said, at least my bracket benefited from Michigan's win, go Big Blue I guess.

None of this matters though, because everyone in the world's bracket has been busted into shards that cannot be placed back together and can only further turn into more shards and/or dust. Because last night, in a God-swept storm of all that is beautiful about March, a small school from Baltimore County found magic. They held the magic. They used the magic. And when their game was said and done, they had accomplished the greatest upset of all time. UMBC beat Virginia in the most amazing underdog way possible. This was no "perfect storm" nor a "last second heart-breaker" but just a good ole fashion, run of the mill ass kickin'. The Retrievers of UMBC not only upset the best team in the nation, but they embarrassed them. Final score was 74-54, and those boys earned every single point.

No one saw this coming. How could you've possibly predicted this upset? If there was gonna be an upset in this tourney it certainly would've been the Penn vs Kansas game, right? Who would have ever thought UMBC would be the darkest horse at the big dance? WELL I'M GLAD YOU ASKED!

In the past 24 hours, FAU Head Football Coach, Lane Kiffin, has revealed his bracket to have picked the upset. In fact, he claims he has the Retrievers going all the way and winning it all. In a tweet series rivaling all other series ever, he showed screenshots and pictures of his bracket to confirm his UMBC prediction. As a spectating lover of Kiffin's antics, I gotta say, this feels fabricated. Now I'm a Kiffin-truther, make no mistake about it. I love Coach K (yeah I said it, Kiffin is the real Coach K... "Krzyzewski" is a too difficult of a word) and I think he recruits perfectly. He may have been a dick and a jerk when he was working at real schools, but now Lane is chilling in Boca Raton with fine ladies. He is exactly the type of guy to just make up a bracket and release it on Twitter to cause a stir, and it worked! He got his name back in the spotlight. Classic Kiffin.

There were plenty of other upsets that really busted balls and brackets across America. I was definitely feeling quite pathetic when Arizona and Wichita State, teams that were in my Final Four, lost in the first round. I did strike some gold, though. I was smart enough to pick Loyola-Chicago over Miami, and then got them beating Tennessee also, but I would've never predicted the lifeblood of that team. Sister Jean, the 98 years-young nun who is an active member of Loyola's basketball program, might just be the greatest rally-force in sports history. The woman is a real, wheelchair bound Catholic nun that has spent the past century rooting for her Ramblers to prove themselves. Notice how I didn't say "win it all" or anything like that, just "prove themselves". That's right, Sister Jean has the team she prays for and celebrates with in the locker room getting eliminated in the Sweet 16. That a real G right there. Just because she's a lifetime fan doesn't mean she's got them going too far. Sister Jean isn't letting her bias compromise her bracket. I love that. She is officially queen of the NCAA until I say otherwise. Or maybe Pope. Or Saint Jean. I'm not sure how all that works, I'm just a Protestant.

So hunker down boys and girls, for there's a lot more basketball to be played. And to every reader (unless Lane Kiffin reads my blogs) sorry that your bracket sucks. Better luck next St. Patrick's Day (except for you Coach Kiffin, keep up the stellar work).