Who To Root For In The Final Four


The nation is waiting with bated breath for the conclusion of the month-long saga that is the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. As the hours wind down and us sports fans approach maximum arousal, many are faced with a difficult question: Who's bandwagon should I hop on? If you're going to back one of these horses, you need to know which horse to hitch your wagon to (and when to hitch it). I'm here to help. I will provide analysis, predictions, and advice into how the remainder of the tournament may play out. The insight provided should be more than enough for any reader base a bandwagon-decision on. Let's begin with the basics.

1) I'm not even sure this needs to be said; but if your team is still in tournament, root for them. Not the team that you know the most about, but your actual favorite team. For example, my favorite team is the Georgia Bulldawgs so I cannot claim one of these 4 team (or any of the other 60 for that matter) as "my team". Root for YOUR team.

2) Second rule: If a team that you picked on your bracket to win or play in the National Championship is still in... no one cares. This is an important rule. People, for some reason, think that if they have one team in the Final Four on a completely busted bracket then they are responsible to see it through. But I'm here to tell you to let your dreams die. No need to stay committed to your #1 seed Kansas pick when they're accompanied in your bracket's Final Four with UNC, Arizona, and WVU.The only people who should be rooting for their predicted natty champs should only do so if they have a legitimate shot at winning their bracket pool.

3) Alright now let's get technical. First matchup is Loyola-Chicago and Michigan. We should address the elephant in the Alamo... you ought to be rooting for Loyola. They're literally everything that's beautiful about March while maintaining all the appeal of a bunch of deep shooting Catholics. These guys got everything; they're Cinderella, they've gotten to take advantage of a 16 upsetting a 1, and they've got the greatest mascot on God's green Earth. Sister Jean, the nun, has stollen the heart of this nation. Yeah yeah, that Mortiz guy on the Wolverines is foreign and I guess that's kinda fun or whatever. But Jean may go down in history as Holiest thing to walk on American soil since that wacky Mormon Joseph Smith. Sister Jean is 98 years young and has charisma out the wazzoo! So if you have good reason to root for Michigan, I recommend you make it known and remind yourself regularly, otherwise you might yourself falling for Jean the way so many others have. Ugh, typical men, always wanting what they can't have, century-old women who have sworn an oath to celibacy before their God, disgusting.

4) The other Final Four game is Villanova vs Kansas in the battle of the guys who really would rather just play each other for the trophy and let that weird sideshow on the other side of the bracket just go unnoticed. Kansas has been playing like animals and Villanova has been playing like a team that wins all their games. Villy's coach, Jay Wright, seems to be a pretty lovable guy. If you have to watch the remaining games with a significant other that will judge you for cheering on "bad guys" who seem like dicks, you might want consider Villanova as your candidate. Plus, Wildcats in tournaments usually turn some sort of profit, seeing that every other team seemingly has a wildcat mascot. The argument for the Jayhawks, on the other hand, is much less complex. If you want to be able to tweet something after a victory, there are few things sweeter than "Rock Chalk Jayhawk!" It's a hell of a battle cry and, for some, that's all one needs when selecting a team to ride with till the end.

5) Since all scenarios are hypothetical here, the following info/suggestions will be left brief. Michigan takes on Villanova. Michigan has a bigger following and has a more likely chance of drawing in celebrity fans. For any readers who care about who's in their corner, that maybe important. Villanova, however will be the favorite, and if you rooted for neither leading up to this point, you probably should stop taking chances because you're clearing not cut out for predictions. Might want to just roll with the overdog and keep to yourself for the Championship game. No shame in betting on the guy everyone expects to win.

6) Michigan against Kansas. Bill Self could probably beat up John Beilein because he's got the youth his side, but Beilein will be damned if he goes down without a fight. Those Kansas folks are tough, but Bill Self is a kinda pudgy and those Great Lakers aren't afraid of a little rough'n'tumble horseplay either. However I do predict John would get winded at some point in the tussle and concede. So if it's strength you want, go with Kansas. Just don't be surprised if Michigan puts up a fight. If you want to base your pick for the game on some other metric, how about players? Kansas has players with way harder names to pronounce. That'll definitely come into play when they're trying to call plays to Udoka and Sviatoslav and can't even articulate the names. Meanwhile, Michigan will be sitting pretty with Phil, Trent, and PJ.

7-10) If Loyola makes it to the National Championship, you pull for them. It's as simple as that. No exceptions other than the one's previously listed. So if that dark horse wins their Final Four game, you have very little choice. And to any fans of any teams currently still in the tournament, you are welcome to abandon your ship and join us. There is no shame in supporting one of the most fun sports phenomenons ever witnessed. If Loyola gets in, you root for them. That is all.